


Continuum

by TsunofDere



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst and Fluff, F/M, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-03-14
Packaged: 2018-03-05 09:17:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3114485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TsunofDere/pseuds/TsunofDere
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which everyone struggles to come to terms with their own issues, big and small, in a post-game universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Aperture (meeting)

Your name is Dave Strider, and right now, you’re freezing your ass in the middle of the Land of Frost and Frogs – and you’re somewhat blaming Jade Harley for that. Talking about her, where the hell is she?

You try to contact her via Pesterchum, but to no avail, so you start looking for her, partly to forget how cold it is. Were you a regular dude, you’d be worried about her safety. But since you’re a Strider, you’re cool, perfectly cool. So cool that you could shit ice cubes, as 50 Cent said (you’re certain 50 Cent said that – one hundred percent positive). Okay now seriously, where is she?

After some time, you see a figure dressed in black (which stands out a lot in all that snow) – and you’re about to call her when a green flash momentarily blinds you, despite your shades. And then she had disappeared. Alright, you think, fair enough: you release your paradox clones to search for her. You finally find her somewhere completely different, but she teleports once again. Then a third time. She really needs to stop doing that, you inwardly frown.

When the wild goose chase finally comes to an end, you’re a bit tired, but somewhat relieved to see she’s okay (though you’d probably never admit you were worried in the first place).

[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Where’s Waldo?]

You greet her in the smoothest way you can manage in this cold, and she looks positively happy to see you – and even hugs you. You’re surprised by that total lack of boundaries ( _then again, she’s been raised by a dog, what did you expect?_ ), but you let her hug you anyway. For someone who’s been running in the snow for longer than you did, she’s surprisingly warm. You’re not exactly a huggy person, but you could get used to it if every hug is like that. Once she releases you, you examine her, your gaze hidden behind your shades.

You expected a goofy buck-toothed – and somewhat nerdy – girl. Instead, you had found a bespectacled Rambo in a fancy dress. That is, if Rambo had been raised by a dog. Welp. At least you were right about the first part – even if she wasn't as goofy-looking with a goddamn sniper rifle in her hands. She seemed to know how to use it, too, judging by the skillful way she handled it, barely looking at what she was doing while reloading it.

You absent-mindedly wondered what kind of life she had led on this island, with only her dog for company, but ironically enough, you didn't have time for this.

  
You had to help her breeding frogs. Under normal circumstances, you would have probably refused, arguing you were too cool to collect small amphibians as if it was a fucking Pokémon game, only boring and without any fight (you almost suggested to duel using the frogs but she would’ve killed you with the lasers her eyes would’ve metaphorically fired). But well, the frogs could potentially help you win the game, so you complied – and now that the forge had been lit, the temperature outside was much more bearable. It ended up being rather fun to do that, but only thanks to Jade. She was good at making even the most boring tasks seem interesting and enjoyable, laughing enough for the two of you. You had to keep a close look on her though, because she had a very intimate relationship with clumsiness and narcolepsy, making a very dangerous threesome, safety-wise. It was a good thing you had lightning-fast reflexes, as it allowed you to catch her in a totally sweet-ass way. That’s how smooth you are, all dashing knight saving a damsel in distress up in there.

Then Jack came for you, and you proved a failure as a knight. You couldn’t protect her – hell, you couldn’t even protect yourself in the end. All you heard was the sound of bullets, and next thing you knew you were bathing in your own blood with Jade crying on your chest. You tried to tell her you would be fine, but you couldn’t talk. When you woke up, you were on Derse with Rose. You made sure to pester Jade right afterwards, just to let her know that you weren't dead or anything, and set off to destroy the green sun with your ecto-sister.

The rest was history of how you beat the game with Rose, John, Jade, and the alpha session players.

[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: The Game – you’ve won it]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My, I haven't written anything in a while huh? Actually, I had started working on this story a while ago, but had somewhat stopped halfway through out of lack of time & other things. But then I thought, "Homestuck is ending this year so if I'm ever going to complete this story, it's this year!!" and thus decided to at the very least start posting what's already written. I will do my best to finish it up, and I hope you will enjoy this story!
> 
> Reviews/thoughts/suggestions extremely appreciated!!


	2. Chapter 1 - Fogging (disappear)

**== > End the flashbacks and tell us what happened after Sburb already.  
**Jeez, no need to get all impatient, you were about to come to this part.

You are now back to "reality", or whatever this world is supposed to be. The four of you, along with your guardians, are back to a world that is three years older than when you left it - no, when it was destroyed (or wasn't? It is a bit confusing). Well, at least you're together. All of you quickly realized that your game-related memories were still very much present in your mind - forget about sweet oblivion, you’ll all have to deal with your post-game trauma like bosses. You later learned that your bro and your ectomom had even gotten seconds of memories straight from the alpha session.

 

Your guardians quickly made plans to live all together. Your mother bought a huge house in California (where the hell she got all this money was a mystery to you), and you all split to go gather your things and prepare to move into the brand new house. A fuckload of smuppets popped up in the most random places around your apartment while you were sorting out your things, and Bro insisted on bringing all of them along. Things were still a bit awkward between your brother slash ectodad slash guardian and you, but you were both dealing with this in your own way. At least, you had been reassured that he wouldn't tease you for hugging him first thing when he came back to life. Eventually, things had been going back to normal - the first strifes were somewhat timid, and awfully nostalgic, but they had gradually regained their intensity.

 

Rose reunited with her, no, your mother (over the years, the idea that Rose and you were siblings had eventually sunk in, and now that you thought about it, you wouldn't have it any other way - maybe because she reminded you a bit of Bro). John was so overjoyed to see his dad that you almost worried he would implode out of sheer happiness. Your mother and Mr. Egbert also shared a warm embrace. In short, everybody was happy to be back and alive.

Packing your stuff to leave Houston saddened you a bit, but you were looking forward to living with John, Jade and Rose.

Except Jade didn’t come back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is slightly short for *~dramatic purposes~* so I'll post chapter 2 this saturday. Starting from then, I'll post a chapter per week, unless stated overwise.  
> Please let me know if you have any comment, question or suggestion regarding the story, and thanks for reading ♥


	3. Chapter 2: Latent Image (absence)

**== > What do you mean, ‘she didn’t come back’?  
**Well at first, none of you actually thought Jade wasn’t coming back at all. Like, maybe her flight had been delayed, or something along those lines. You hadn’t heard about any plane accident that might have been related to her, so you assumed she was fine (despite not hearing from her). After several days though, she finally contacted one of you – namely Rose. She told both John and you to come in her room to read the message. She seemed upset, and as you looked at the screen, you quickly understood why:

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 4:03 --

GG: i'm not coming back  
GG: sorry

\-- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 4:04 --

And time comes to a screeching halt. The words on the screen just completely and utterly sucker punch you in the face, knocking the thoughts out of your mind, out of your mouth. The ref has decided to ignore your screams of surrender and keep the match going.

This brings you back three years, when you were separated from Jade because of game shenanigans. And it’s like your life on the meteor all over again, except without the trolls and the mayor. Well, at least John, your sister and your ecto-parents are around.

As long as you are busy, you don’t think too much about her. As long as you aren’t at home, you don’t realize she is missing. But as soon as the door to your room closes behind you, as soon as your newest composition finishes playing, it’s there. The void left behind her is much too present, _much too real_. At the table, her seat is empty – her bedroom door only opens when the room is cleaned from time to time – the couch is too big. Everything seems wrong and it sucks.

So you try to fill out the blanks as much as you can. You strife more than ever, you compose dozens of songs, you make shitty webcomic strips by the hundred. Heck, you even do your homework, and your room has never been so clean. While cleaning, you find your camera.

[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: “It's that guy who has a camera”]

 **== > Shit, let’s be a photographer.  
**At first, you do that in a half-assed way, choosing lazy camera angles and ordinary subjects. But you like how your mind is devoid of any trivial thoughts when you’re about to take a picture, the sound of the shutter when you finally do – so you start trying to get better at this. You look up tutorials, read specialized magazines and even haul your ass to photograph exhibits with your freshly obtained driving license.

You like the contrasts, the stretched shadows, the palettes of colour of the morning sky and as the sun fades away at the end of the day. You enjoy geometrical shapes, straight lines, sharp angles. You find yourself roaming unknown places more and more, full of people you don’t know – and that’s fine. You surround yourself with new things, new people, new places, so as to never leave your mind to wander off to painful memories land.

But it still happens, because time passes and she’s not back. Time, that you used to manipulate at will, has failed you. Even if you do your best not to think about her, little by little, you start to realize that she might never come back. Maybe she started a new life somewhere else for all you know, or maybe she is… No. You’d rather not consider this possibility – and somehow, you _feel_ she’s alive. You don’t know how or why, you just know she is. But still, you try to force yourself to forget about her – just like in your japanese shoujo manga, you have your hair cut in an attempt to move on. It doesn't work, even after the 6 th time.

Today is no different. On Saturdays, you generally wake up around 12, grab your camera, some money and your keys, and leave for the day. You go pick some fast food to eat on your way, and you go to a random place and take photos, with music in your ears and emptiness in your mind.

Or at least, that’s the plan – but you are brutally woken up at 10 in the morning.

“Dave, wake up!”

It’s John. You open an eye, not moving from your bed. You make sure to sigh loudly enough for him to hear.

“What.”

He tears your blanket off you all of a sudden, and the abrupt cold makes you very much awake right away. He then proceeds to grab your arm and pulls you out as if you weighed nothing (even though you’re way taller than him) – fucking mangrit.

“Come on! You’ve gotta get up!”

 **== > Dave: Hoodie/shades let’s go  
**You reluctantly grab your shades and put on a hoodie because damn, it’s freezing. You let out a yawn and he pushes you out of your bedroom, then in the corridor, as if you were a damn shopping cart. He cuts off your protests by simply repeating “You’ll see!”

By the time you arrive in the living room downstairs, you are nearly (pretend) fighting with him, which ends up with you facing away from the room. Your mother speaks up.

“Come on boys, this isn’t the time for that.”

You turn around, about to make a time-related joke, but your words get lost somewhere between your throat and your mouth. You'd remove your shades, but the room's bright enough as it is. Your mouth forgets it’s supposed to close at some point, and your eyes forget how to look anywhere else than straight ahead.

**== > Oh quit it already, you drama queen! What’s going on?  
** _Jade is sitting in the living room._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh it really looks silly to have all the chapters badly numbered... you'd think AO3 would have an option to make a prologue... Oh well!!
> 
> In any case, thanks for reading ♥


	4. Chapter 3: Underexposure (detachment)

She’s sitting there, your mother, your sister and John’s dad by her side.

“Jade…” you finally say, as if to make sure she isn’t an illusion. But given her state, she probably isn’t. Actually, the more you look, the more you realize the poor state she’s in. Her skin has been even more darkened by the sun, her hair is shorter and, probably the most noticeable thing, her left leg is in a cast.

“… What the fuck.”

You bite your lower lip, wondering whatever happened to her during the last six months she was away. You stare at her, but she isn't even looking your way. Mr. Egbert starts:

“It seems Jade has been involved in an accident while exploring the jungle. Thank goodness she was able to call a rescue team fairly quickly, and she was brought back into the country some days ago.”

Your mouth opens, but you realize you don’t know what to say. You’re happy that she came back, of course. _Obviously_. But she seems nothing like she used to be – she looks sickly, frail, and miserable. It’s as if a pat on her shoulder would be enough to dislocate it. Your throat feels constricted, and your jaw tightens. How are you supposed to be glad of her return when the only thing you feel right now is anger? An anger that coils in your guts, burning, ruthless. You’re mad at yourself – because you should have been there for her.

You’re in a daze for the rest of the day, busy overthinking things and beating yourself up because that is a thing you do (and your sister enjoys it more than she should). You somehow end up in your bed, trying to get your beauty sleep on. You barely remember how the hell you got into your bed, or even whenever you changed into your pajamas. You stare at the ceiling, feeling drained. Jade didn’t talk to you all day, and the rare times she looked in your direction, she immediately turned away. Welp.

At some point, you fall asleep. But not for long.

A scream pierces the walls, waking you up all of a sudden. Your eyes flick open – it’s Jade’s voice. You kick your blanket out of the way and run to her room. As you’re about to go in, Rose comes out of it, blocking your way.

“You shouldn’t come in.”

“What the hell, Rose. I just wanna see if Jade’s alright.”

“She isn’t right now, and that’s exactly why you shouldn’t see her now. Please return to your room, I will explain the situation to you once she has calmed down.”

You try to push her out of the way, but she doesn’t move an inch. She sighs.

“Look, I am not doing this to annoy you, so please just compel for now. I need to take care of her, so go back to your room… I’m serious.”

You glare at her, but she only frowns in return. You sigh.

“Fine, I get it. You better explain what the fuck is going on afterwards.”

You stride back to your room, and she immediately goes back into Jade’s room. You sit in front of your computer, listening to some music to keep yourself awake, and wait.

 

 **== > Be the sister.  
**You are now Rose Lalonde, and you’ve just realized that, as much as you’re glad Jade is back, things are going to be complicated.

Indeed, it appears your friend has some sort of mental condition, and not a small one. This night, she woke up screaming. When you rushed to check on her, she was crying, shaking, and repeating one thing over and over: “Don’t die Dave”. You tried to tell her he was okay, touching her arm as a way to soothe her. She violently jerked your arm away and groaned “I’ve killed him!” before proceeding to sob so much she was choking on her own tears.

Your brother of course chose this moment to show up. But thanks to your acute intuition that you retained from your time as a seer of light, you already knew he was coming, so you were able to stop him from coming in. You saw the worry in his unprotected eyes perfectly, but you also were aware that in her current state, seeing Dave would only cause her to break down even more.

After a fair amount of reassuring words, calming gestures and a couple sleeping pills, she was finally able to settle down long enough to fall asleep. You watched over her for five minutes, just to make sure she was sleeping well, and left the room as quietly as possible.

 

**== > Rose: Go explain the situation to your brother.**

You are now facing Dave’s door. Despite the fact that the probability of him still being awake is both through the roof _and_ bananas, you knock – this is a courtesy rule you both agreed on soon after starting to live on the meteor: always knock first.

The door opens right after you knock. Why did your brother have to be a ninja? You often wondered about this, but then you met your ectobiological father and it made way too much sense.

Anyway, you are getting side-tracked, so let’s focus on what is going on, shall we?

Dave paces on the side, inviting you – or rather, telling you – to come in. In other circumstances, you may have messed with him a little bit, but this is no time for banter. You immediately go sit on his desktop chair, and he sits on the edge of his bed. It seems the edge of the bed isn’t the only edge he’s sitting on, metaphorically speaking. Even if his trusted shades have found their way back on his nose while he was waiting for you, you can see the agitated state he’s in. Well, “agitated” by Striders standards, at least – his shoulders are tense, his jaw is clenched and his lips are pursed. You patiently wait for him to ask away, your lips pursed as well. He finally says:

“I’d like to know what the hell happened. Well first of all, is Jade okay?”

You nod.

“I’ve successfully calmed her down, for now at least. She’s sleeping.”

He frowns, leaning a bit forward.

“For now? What do you mean?”

There it goes. You take a deep breath, folding neatly your hands on your lap. Even if you often mess with him, your brother is very dear to you, and you know that what you are about to tell him is going to sadden him, even if he will do his best not to show it. You suspect him to have feelings for your friend, for you have been witness to his longing during the past months. Of course, you all missed Jade – but that was different. You regularly surprised him staring at Jade’s door, or at the empty seat left at the table during dinner. He would clam up whenever she was mentioned, would try to change subjects. He wasn’t coping all that well with her absence, and now the situation had turned into this. You know how hard it is to miss someone so much, and since your own case can’t be helped anyway, you want to do your best to help him.

“By that, I mean that this wasn’t a regular nightmare. Or at least, I do not think so. I will need to make further examinations to ensure my diagnosis, but I believe she suffers from some sort of psychological condition. I have yet to pinpoint exactly which one, but if my hunch is correct, it may take months for her to recover properly. Also…”

You interrupt yourself, glancing away.

“Also what?” he impatiently asks.

Your eyes come back to stare in his shades.

“I think it would be better for you not to be around her over the next weeks. Or months maybe.”

“…What?”

As expected, he seems both confused and angry at your suggestion. Great.

“It seems that Jade’s nightmare was about you. She said she had “killed you”. She was crying and in an overall state of panic. I don’t know yet to which measure this goes, but this seems quite serious.”

His mouth opens, but no sound comes out of it, so he closes it again. His frown reappears on his face, and he actually bites his lip. He then curses under his breath, and rubs his scalp, as if trying to make a headache go away. He finally replies:

“This wasn’t a nightmare. It really happened.”

He lets out a long sigh.

“Goddammit, I’m such an idiot…! I should’ve done things differently. She shouldn’t have had to see that…”

You wince a little bit. He never really told you about what happened during the game with all these time shenanigans, but you can only guess some gruesome things took place.

“Then even more so, we should wait for me to ascertain the situation before deciding how to go about it.”

He doesn’t even argue back, which goes to show how upset he probably is over this. You rise from your seat, and go to meet him. You pat his shoulder lightly, which makes him lift his head up to look at you.

“I will do my best to help her.”

Not expecting a reply, you exit the premises – but as you’re about to leave the room, he calls your name.

“Yes?” you quip, turning around.

“Thanks.”

You smile a little bit.

“You’re welcome. Good night.”

The door closes behind you, leaving your brother to his own thoughts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ♥


	5. Chapter 4: Time exposure (fragmentation)

**== > Be the cool kid.  
**You are now Dave Strider once again, even if at the moment, you’re not feeling so cool. To be more precise, you’re as cool as an ice cube thrown on a Texan highway in the middle of a particularly hot summer. After being crushed by a truck that is driving way above the speed limit. Fuck, even your metaphors are weak, and you hate yourself a little for that. So, yeah, you’re not exactly at your coolest right now.

It’s Sunday morning, and you just want to stay in your bed forever, like the sleeping beauty only with more radness and less boobs. Maybe if you forget about real life, real life will forget about you too—

 

**== > Fat chance. Now get up and deal with shit like a big boy.  
** _Fine_. Well, not like you can do much at the moment, but you guess you should keep yourself updated about the whole Jade matter. You smooth out your bedhead hair a little bit, put on your shades and a hoodie, and you’re good to face the rest of the world. You drag your feet to get to your sister’s room (it’s not like you’re worried about Jade or anything, _baka_ ), as if to convince yourself there’s nothing to worry about. You knock, and she invites you to come in. She’s sitting on her desktop chair, and John is on her bed.

“Hi Dave!” he smiles. “This is surprising to see you awake so early in the morning! Well, 11 o’clock isn’t early but for you it’s–“

“How is Jade?” you cut him off – John purses his lips at your rude interruption, but his expression then becomes concerned. Uh oh. Seems like you’re not gonna like this.

He turns to Rose.

“Uh, could you explain it to him? I’m not very good at psychology stuff. Well, not that kind of psychology stuff at least.”

She rubs her temples, and… Wow, she is fucking _fidgeting_. This is so rare that you almost want to point it out aloud, but you understand that this means nothing good and wince a little bit instead. She folds her hands on her lap, and takes a deep breath, as if to ready herself.

“I believe Jade suffers from PTSD… Post-traumatic stress disorder,” she adds, noticing your confused expression at the acronym. “It was caused by some events that occurred in the game. Among other things, your multiple deaths. She witnessed several of them, be it in person or indirectly. I wasn’t able to obtain more details though, as she was extremely upset by the sole recollection of the general events. The bottom line is that seeing you apparently makes her have panic attacks.”

“How would you know? I haven’t even seen her face-to-face since yesterday. Well, now that I think about it, I don’t remember her really looking at me at all…” you trail off.

“I showed her a photo of you, to test the waters. This ended up with her vomiting in my trash can, and crying. That’s how bad it is.”

“Oh.”

That’s all you reply to that. You should say something else, you’re fully aware of that, but you’re incapable of forming anything resembling a sentence at the moment. So many strong conflicting feelings appear all of a sudden in you that your brain basically goes “Oh come the fuck _on_ ” and decides to quit on you because it can’t deal with all this emotional bullshit. You don’t know how to deal with it either.

You’re angry at Rose for telling you about that, angry at John for staring at you like an idiot, angry at the game for hurting Jade. For hurting all of you. And more than anything, you’re angry at yourself for letting this happen.

You think about all those times you’ve relied on your doomed selves, throwing them away like fucking candy wrappers, not even caring about what happened to them once they had served their purpose. No, you didn’t even care about what happened to you. You had only cared about saving the others, pretending you were a hero just like your brother – but what kind of hero couldn’t even save himself? Yes, you were no hero. And now your reckless behavior had come to bite you in the ass in the form of Jade suffering because of you. How ironic was it that now she had finally returned home alive, you couldn’t be with her anyway because you were literally making sick. Even though you missed her so fucking much.

 “Are you okay?”

John’s voice brings you back to reality. You realize you’ve been clutching at your pants so hard your knuckles are white, and you look at him. He seems worried. You breathe through your nose, and release the fabric trapped in your fingers. Time to bring your poker face back where it belongs.

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

Your sister is having none of it though. She sits up and _oh god_ she places her hand on your arm, being all comprehensive and shit. You would almost cry at the gesture except not, because how lame would it be?

“Don’t worry Dave, I will make sure she gets better. We will all do what we can. You’re going to have to back off for some time, but once her condition improves, your help will be necessary as well.”

“I’m sure Jade will be fine. She’s strong!” John adds, flexing his arm as if to prove his point in a _STRONG_ way.

A small smile lifts the corners of your mouth upwards, and you tilt your head in Rose’s direction, to indicate that you’re good now so _please back the fuck up_. She nods in return, and retrieves her hand.

“Yeah, I know she is,” you simply reply.

 

**== > Narrator: Skip to the end.  
**You cannot do that! However, you can skip some parts for the sake of narration, huzzah!

**== > Narrator: Do that then. Be the amateur therapist some weeks later.  
**You fail to be Rose. She is currently busy writing down her observations on Jade’s state for the day in a small purple notebook that doubles as a personal diary. It is however possible to flip through it thanks to your current omniscience.

_Wednesday, October 17 th_

_Jade is still agitated, but it seems there has been some improvement over the days. She was able to give details about the memory that she has been having nightmares of. Note for later: have a discussion on the matter with Dave._

_Thursday, October 18 th_

_I can’t believe she has tried to hide this information from me… Jade has been suffering from several panic attacks when she was home alone._ (The writing is somewhat rushed, betraying Rose’s annoyance – and worry – at that new element) _She said she had vomited almost each time it happened. Should focus on coping with the flashbacks triggering these panic attacks, and then work on the PTSD itself._

_[…]_

_Saturday, October 20 th_

_Initiated Jade to knitting, as I figured it would be good for her to have fairly quiet and innocuous occupations that don’t entail potentially stressing or triggering situations – she can’t do much with her broken leg anyway (she should be able to take away her cast around the end of November). She told me about the time she had left – her conduct has been rash, to say the least. It’s a wonder she only broke one of her legs. Her skin is still in an awful condition, I need to buy some creams to help fix that. During her time away, she has also gotten really skinny, to the point of unhealthiness (consult Father about a specific diet that would allow her to put on some weight while still being healthy? Dirk’s proposition to make her eat takeaway food at all meals has been disregarded)._

_[…]_

_Wednesday, October 24 th_

_Had my first experience as a hair stylist. Will probably not repeat the experiment, despite a decent result – not like it could have been that much worse, as Jade’s hair had been cut haphazardly with a machete because it was “in the way”._

_[…]_

_Tuesday, November 13 th_

_Took the day off to bring Jade to the mall in order to avoid the crowd while shopping for new clothes for her – the boys and herself have been complaining that her wearing my clothes made her look like my not-so-evil twin. How silly of them. Wish K. had been there to help with the clothes. Hope my selection was alright; we only bought a few articles of clothing, since she will – hopefully – put on some weight over the next weeks and months._

And the diary stops there, just like your powers of omniscience. What a shame. Let’s move on.

 

**== > Be John over the last few weeks.**

You are now John Egbert. Things have been a bit of a mess ever since your sister came back, but you’re still really glad she’s here! What’s not so nice is how she’s been having all these nightmares and panic attacks… Rose explained to you what this was about with lots of details, but you’re not sure you understood everything, especially when she started using fancy shmancy terms. What you did understand though was that Jade would need some time to get better. You felt bad for not noticing anything wrong during the three years you spent on the ship with her, but when you told Rose about it, she said it wasn’t anybody’s fault, and that she had probably been repressing all this, making it impossible for him to guess what was going on. Now, the only thing you could do was being your usual self with her.

So you are. The two of you play video games, draw silly things on her cast and watch movies while eating popcorn. Rose often tags along as well, so you kinda feel like a ladies’ man, even if one of the two ladies is your sister.

Sometimes, you turn around to find Jade staring at the wall silently, as if lost in thought. In those moments, she seems hollow, barely there. She once had a panic attack because of a movie you were watching together. Seeing her like this makes you feel sad and powerless to help her, and you hate it.

As for Dave, you try to spend as much time with him as with Jade. She never mentions him – as if he was Voldemort. Well you guess that in a way, he is. Except with a nose. And hair. Anyway, you hang out together regularly, and that’s nice! After all, it’s been less than a year since you finally met face to face with your best bro for longer than an hour. Talking about ‘face to face’ matters, it seems that the whole thing with Jade upsets him somewhat, because whenever you mention her, he would ask a bit too eagerly for news. So much that one day, while speaking of Jade…

"It's almost as if you’re in love with her!" you grin, nudging Dave in the process. He stares at you like a dumbass (that he totally is hehe) before returning said nudge along with a smirk.

  
"Come on Egbert don’t be like that, I know _you_ totally wanna get in my sister's pants"

 

**== > Wait a second, what's with that late reaction? Be Dave.**  
You are now Dave, but you’re experiencing some technical difficulties at the moment. Let's go back some seconds earlier to see whatever the hell this is about.  
"It's almost as if you’re in love with her!" says John, laughing.

You almost reply ‘yeah’ without thinking, your pursed lips being the only thing preventing this from happening. Your brain catches up on what you almost said.  
 _Blank.  
_ What did John just say? Something about loving Jade? About  _you_  being in love with  _her_? And you almost casually replied “why yes, I wanna date the shit out of your ectosister”? _…_ What? Would that be why you’re being like this with the whole matter? Because you’re in love with her?

[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Human After All]

**== > Sure seems that way man. Now stop freaking out, you're being ridiculous.** ** _  
_**Well now that you mention it, that makes sense. No reason to freak out. Nope, none at all. No reason to panic. Out of the seven fucking billions people on the planet, it had to be the only one that can't look at you in the eye. Good job Dave, you've outdone yourself on that one.

 

**== > Shouldn’t you like, reply to John or something? Changing subjects would be cool too while you’re at it.  
**Oh fuck that’s right. Think fast man. Let’s show him how much you take that allegation in stride (get it?). You can do it. Let’s return that nudge like it’s hot, to clearly indicate that you’re both joking. Smirk as well.

"Come on Egbert don’t be like that, I know you totally wanna get in my sister's pants"

You could’ve done better, but you’re still slightly freaking out, despite the poker face you’ve somehow managed to keep up, and despite the fact that he’s right. He’s too busy being embarrassed by your accusation to pay attention though (“Rose would kill you if she heard that! …Actually she’d probably kill me as well oh god”). The rest of the conversation then proceeds with no further mention of each other’s ecto-sister, and you soon end up alone in your room, trying to sleep.

 

**== > Sounds like the ideal time to think about your brand new feelings!  
** _Ugh._ You’re not very good at those, but you remember John’s words anyway and proceed to have a solo jam of feelings. Boo fucking yeah.

So it seems you like Jade, as more than a friend. And you wonder why you have to feel this way about the only person on the planet you can’t be around. To be fair, when you actually met her in person, there were only a few humans left, and the planet had gone boom. Not like it would’ve been that much different had Sburb not happened, you guess – you’ve always felt at ease with her. Even when you were nothing but “internet friends”, she would indulge your whole cool kid act, and you would indulge her furry tendencies in some sort of indulge-off. Not like you minded that hobby of hers – you had been brought up by a man bathing you in puppet ass on a daily basis, so fazing you was difficult (though Rose still managed it too often for your liking). She liked music like you, and played the bass, which was pretty neat (you could only make music with your turntables and your computer, so you were almost jealous of that). You had never paid a lot of attention to bass, but you started liking it because of her – she would record her playing, and then you would mix it into full songs. You would spend hours discussing music matters together, even arguing about it sometimes.

 

Then the game happened, and she turned out to be even more awesome in real life. You thought she was a frail little thing that needed protection – heh, how wrong you were. She could shoot guns with a frightening accuracy, and wasn’t afraid of anything. She just dove into the fight head first, probably more prepared than you, and ready to do anything. This aspect of her personality rarely showed before the game, but you didn’t dislike it, on the contrary. Even if you didn’t expect that of her, it somehow made sense, because she’s Jade. She can be sweet and cute, as much as she can be reckless and brave – that’s how she rolls, no fucks given whatsoever.

It’s because you never know what to expect that you like her so much. She’s everything you’re not – and you admire her for that. She grabs you by the hand and even though you have no idea where you’re going, you enjoy every step of the way, no matter how difficult or how weird it can be. Her spontaneity makes up for your cool kid front, her optimism for your constant pessimism.

Yes, just like Bro likes plush rumps and can’t deny it, you’ve come to the conclusion that you like Jade Harley and you can’t deny it.


	6. Chapter 5: Safelight (contact)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for updating this late, and happy Valentine's day~

**== > Dave: Finally fall asleep.  
**You’re not exactly sure at which point you actually fall asleep, but you do. When you wake up the next morning, you’re feeling somewhat groggy.

 

 **== > Well shit son, that was some mad feelings jam you had there.  
**That sure was, damn. That’s probably why you feel tired despite sleeping for around 10 hours, now that you think about it. You eat your cereal in a daze, before deciding that this shit can’t carry on like this. If Bro knew you were letting something like that trouble you, he’d be so disappointed that you'd feel like burying yourself for redemption. Also, regardless of what he’d think you, you feel restless and that’s damn annoying. You get dressed and go take some photos to take your mind off that.

The sound of the shutter helps you relax, and you manage some pretty interesting shots. You take pictures till you get tired, and head home, feeling better and overall calmer about the whole ‘being in love’ deal.

 

 **== > So, what have you been up to during the last weeks anyway?  
**Well nothing much you guess, just been watching over Jade sometimes... Or rather, often. Very often.

[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Knight Of Stalk]

Wow how fucking rude. You're not a stalker, you're just... looking out for her. Making sure someone comes to calm her down whenever she has nightmares, or that she always has tissues when her nose is runny (you have to be extra-stealthy and extra-fast for that) and uh… other stuff. Yeah. Nothing fishy here mister officer so stop pointing that flashlight in my face, thanks bye.

 

 **== > That sounded really suspicious but sure, let’s move on. Dave: Stop the clock.  
**You stop reminiscing about the last weeks, and time resumes passing at a regular flow. Sometimes you kinda miss your time powers – but then you remember how much you fucked up using them, and promptly stop being nostalgic.

 

 **== > November: End.  
**Today is December 1st, Jade’s birthday, that she’s celebrating with everybody that isn’t you. Your mom apologizes when asking you to leave for the day, but you just shrug while putting on your beanie. You grab the bag containing your camera, put its strap across your shoulders, and wearing your jacket as if it was an armor. You leave your room after a last look at the neatly wrapped package sitting on your desk, waiting for its rightful owner to open it. If you can ever hand it to her that is.

The door slams closed behind you as you shove your hands in your pockets.

 

_I’m stronger than that._

 

“Uh Dave, there’s some leftover bir– er, totally regular cake if you want”

“No thanks John”

 

_Just ignore it._

 

“Maybe I could try to give her your present for you?”

“I’d rather not, sis”

 

_Just endure it._

 

 **== > Dave: Celebrate your 17th birthday.  
**Your Jade-less birthday takes place without any particular problem. The cake – courtesy of Mr. Egbert himself – is delicious and the presents are great (Bro gave you some cool new photography gear, Rose gifted the complementary photography books, John got you a video game, while your mother and John’s dad bought you some surprisingly nice clothes). Nobody mentions her, but you know that the same way you were trapped outside two days ago, Jade is stuck in her room for the day.

As you sit in front of your computer to compose her absence away, you rub your temples. _So that’s what they mean by “so close yet so far” huh_ , you ponder as you proceed to rest lazily your face in your hand.

“gardenGnostic [GG]is online”

You stare at the screen for a moment, speechless. Your mouth opens, gasping for air. You open Pesterchum to check the list of online people and there she is, her mood set to ‘chummy’ as usual. You pinch yourself to make sure you’re not just hallucinating– _shit that hurts_. Okay, you’re not seeing an impromptu dream then. Good.

 “-- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 16:40 --“

Your freshly restored breath already fails you and like you, it’s waiting for her to finish typing, because come on, holding your breath is totally gonna make her message appear more quickly. Somehow.

GG: hey

Your fingers rush to your keyboard before you even know it. Okay, play it cool. Be smooth.

TG: hey sup

… That’ll do.

GG: not much…  
GG: my cast has been removed though!  
GG: my leg feels sooo light  
TG: oh thats right  
TG: can you walk normally now  
GG: not yet, i still have to have to do some reeducation  
GG: but thatll be fine!  
TG: oh man you really broke it hard  
TG: good luck with that  
GG: thanks :)  
TG: so uh  
TG: how have you been doing  
TG: during the last weeks  
TG: or months i guess

No reply. Fuck, you shouldn’t have asked that right off the bat, you’re so dumb and she’s going to be mad at you or feel bad and now you feel bad too oh god–

GG: fine i guess

Phew. You feel slightly less like slapping yourself into next week.

GG: ive been in the jungle mostly  
TG: yeah thats what egbert senior said  
TG: how did you survive in the jungle anyway  
GG: well duh  
GG: i ate snakes :D

Your eyebrows make a desperate dash to try to meet with your hairline at this. This is so like her to say that kinda things that it hurts.

[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: In Love With Bear Grylls]

Well shit. You facepalm a little and (re)consider your life and your choices.

TG: tell me you didnt drink your own piss  
GG: ewwww  
GG: why would i do that??

[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: In Love With A Water-Drinking Bear Grylls]

You're feeling more relieved over that than you should. What the hell is wrong with you? You don’t know, but Rose sure is trying her best to find whatever it is. If there’s anything at all, that is. _Goddammit Rose,_ _this is why we can’t have nice things._

 

 **== > Dude, your love interest is chatting with you, stop thinking about your sister!  
**Yeah that sounds like a pl—

 

 **== > Rose: Have a private moment of enjoyment at the knowledge that Dave is being adorably brotherly.  
**You are very briefly Rose. You chuckle to yourself when, thanks to your remaining light powers, you realize your brother is annoyed at you for being nosy. What he doesn’t seem to understand is that it’s literally what heroes of light are about. Poor boy.

 

 **== > Fuck too late, she noticed you. Quick, let’s go back to Jade and her refreshing non-obtrusiveness.  
**Your attention shifts back to Jade, and you immediately feel better. That’s how fresh she is. It’s a shame the whole family moved in L.A. and not Bel Air or she’d totally qualify as the local prince. Whatever, she can be the fresh prince of L.A. instead, everything’s cool.

 

 **== > Jade: Level up as the fresh prince of L.A.  
**You are now Jade Harley. You’re suddenly feeling regal for no particular reason, and that’s pretty nice!

 

 **== > Jade: Salute your court.  
**You don’t exactly have a court, but you do have a huge pile of squiddles, which is even better! You grab a big one and cuddle with it while typing on your lunchtop. The feeling of the soft plush toy calms you a little, which is a good thing, because you’re reeeaaally nervous at the moment! After all, you’re talking to Dave for the first time in ages… You were a little bit afraid, but Rose told you it’d be fine, and that if there was any problem, she’d know right away. You think that’s really cool that she got to keep such a useful ability from the game, and are glad to have such good friends looking out for you!

The last months have been so weird and difficult that sometimes you have trouble trusting yourself… But you’re doing your best to get better, you really are!

You’ve been having regular sessions with Rose, and you’re also spending lots of time with your brother. When they’re at school, you’re often with Rose’s mom, who works from home. She’s really nice and she knows lots of things about physics and lots of other stuff, that’s so cool! You swear, coolness must be a genetic thing among the Lalondes and the Striders. Talking about Striders… Uh…

 

 **== > Yes?  
**You feel like you’re forgetting something… You look back to the conversation between Dave and you, trying to remember. Hmmm… You squint your eyes at the screen because that’ll help you remember… maybe.

TG: so  
TG: did you get cool stuff for your birthday

 

 **== > Jade: Remember.  
**Your eyes immediately look at the date. Yes, it really is his birthday today and you’re totally forgetting about that. Oh noooo

 

 **== > Jade: Apologize profusely  
**GG: oh gosh **  
**GG: im sooooo sorry dave D: **  
**GG: happy birthday!! ****  
TG: its okay no biggie  
TG: thanks

 

**== > Rose: Be the nosy girl**

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:05 --

TT: I’m glad you like this late birthday present, though I do apologize her state did not allow her to come out of a giant cake in a bunny girl outfit for you this year.  
TT: She’s making good progress though, so it might be possible to arrange that for next year.  
TT: I’m sure she’ll accept if you’re persuasive enough. Dirk said it was a good idea.  
TG: oh my god go away  
TG: why do bro and you have to be plotting against me all the fucking time  
TG: cant a dude get some space once in a while  
TT: Since you asked so nicely, I shall leave you with no further ado because I need to record this splendid Freudian slip in my ‘Dave feels’ notebook post-haste.  
TT: And then discuss it with our ecto-father while drinking a latte or something similarly decadent.  
TT: You’re welcome.

\-- tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 17:10 --

TG: fuck

 

 **== > Dave: Wonder what you did to deserve a family like this.  
**Before the game, it was awful with just Bro, but now that you all live under the same roof, your privacy has died a particularly painful death. Well at least your mother isn’t—

“Oh gosh Jade is talking to you on Pester?? That’s great!”

You turn around to find her right behind you, peeping at your screen with a mischievous smile plastered on her face. Oh hell no. The ninja-ness of the Striders also extends to the Lalondes apparently, since you didn’t even hear her approach. Fuck ectobiology yo.

“Go away Mom” you protest weakly as she leans heavily on your shoulder giggling.

That only makes her giggle harder while she goes ahead and reads your conversation. You turn off the screen in a desperate attempt to have some spa— _privacy_. You need to stop using that expression because that really makes it too easy for the others to wink + nudge you. Seriously.

“Aww come on Davey!” she pouts, pretending to be disappointed. “I know you totally have the hots for her. You have good taste, she’s a nice kid” she adds with an approving nod while your lips are at their maximum level of pursedness for added secrecy. She pinches your cheeks.

“Seriously though, what’s with you Striders and wild green-eyed kids living in the middle of the Pacific anyway?”

She doesn’t wait for your reply because she doesn’t expect one – you don’t reply because that’s actually a good question. You didn’t really ‘decide’ to have “the hots for her”, it just sorta happened, but you’ve gotta admit it’s a pretty funny coincidence that your brother’s alpha counterpart had the same kinda hots for Jade’s grandson / grandpa / ecto-relative. Maybe your mother is right and the Striders _do_ have a thing for people living in the middle of fucking nowhere. _What if._

 

 **== > Dave: Stop rambling.  
**Aw come on, you were just about to come to terms with your true nature as a wildislandersexual, how fucking rude. It’s not easy to have that sexual orientation, because that requires finding said islanders living in the wild. Hell, you’re lucky you found Jade online, or you would’ve had to go on an expedition or some shit in order to find a mate.

 

 **== > Dude, aren’t you being a little bit too optimistic? You’re not going out with her. Actually, she doesn’t even know how you feel about her.  
**Shit that’s right. You figure it’ll wait, since for now you’re only talking online and stuff. Yeah. And well, you’re not even sure she’ll be able to see you in person anytime soon. Also you’re still not sure you can handle this whole ‘confessing your romantic feelings’ thing because that’s scary okay. After all, what are you gonna do if she says ‘no’? Feel like shit, that’s what. So yeah, for now you’re gonna take things step by step even if it has to take years.

After all, time is on your side.


	7. Chapter 6: Balance (exchange)

You stare at the ingredients in front of you, as if waiting for them to start ahead of you. It’s not very effective. You let out a sigh.

“I can’t believe I’m actually doing this…” you mumble to yourself as you tie a white frilly apron – courtesy of Bro – behind your back.

[ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Wonder Maid of Time]

You don’t even wanna know why he has an apron like this in the first place. Or why he felt the need to assure you he had cleaned it thoroughly. Way too much information man. Anyway let’s move on. These cupcakes aren’t gonna make themselves.

 

**== > Wait a minute… Why the hell are you baking?  
** Well there’s actually a very good reason to that.

TG: so uh  
TG: how has jade been doing  
TT: She’s making good progress in her recovery, though there are still some problematic issues…  
TG: like what  
TT: She has very little appetite, which is a problem – especially since she still suffers from nausea from time to time.  
TT: She has barely put on any weight ever since she came back.  
TT: John said it was weird because during the game she had a fairly good appetite. She especially loved the cakes Nannasprite made.  
TT: And yet, she barely eats anything Dominick bakes.  
TT: The poor soul even doubts his cooking skills because of that.  
TT: He looked so down that John had to eat an enormous slice of cake just to cheer him up.  
TG: oh man  
TT: It would be nice to find something that motivates her to eat regular servings.  
TG: i might have an idea  
TG: dont worry ive got this

And so you decided to give a try to cooking small portions for Jade – cupcakes this time. Like, really small ones, so that she doesn’t feel pressured into eating too much. You just hope you won’t mess up too badly.

 

 **== > Dave: Skip to the end.  
**Everything’s on fire.

 

 **== > _Oh shit_. Let’s try this again without burning the kitchen to the ground this time.  
** Damn, baking is actually harder than it seems. Or maybe that’s just because you’ve barely cooked anything of your life. One or the other. You end up asking John’s dad for help, and he’s more than happy to give you a hand. Thanks to him, you manage to make something edible – and after sampling it, it’s actually pretty damn good. You really hope Jade will like them and that it’ll help her regain her appetite.

You put the cupcakes on a plate and go knock at Rose’s door. She opens, looks at you, at the cupcakes and then back to you.

“Did you make them?” she asks.

You frown a little.

“Yeah, why? Got a problem with this? They taste fine.”

A mischievous smile then appears on her face as she leans slightly closer. You slightly move back, trying to put some distance between you.

“My, are you blushing?”

“Oh my god just give the damn cupcakes to Jade okay? And don’t tell her I made them.” you grumble, shoving the plate in her arms before storming back to your room.

 

 **== > Be Rose, and fast-forward a week or two.  
**My, my, aren’t you a bit cavalier? Oh well, it’s not like it really matters. You are now Rose, a week and a half after the day your brother first started mistaking you for the red riding hood. At least there is no canidae involved (during the game Jade would have qualified, but that is not the issue), so it is far less hazardous. To your surprise – and your relief – Dave’s initiative has actually been pretty effective. You noticed that little by little, the number of cupcakes Jade left out is diminishing. The therapy is still taking its course as well, so much that she has finally started putting on some weight – not a lot, but this is extremely encouraging.

But enough of this, today you're on a mission, so to speak. Well if you were to be more specific, rather than a mission, it's something you feel you should do. Hero of light shenanigans galore, basically.

So at the moment, Jade and you are in the middle of a therapy session that you "inadvertently" scheduled around the time (hah) your dear brother generally delivers his pastries. Said pastries are surprisingly good - you can tell he's putting lots of attention into their confection, and you think this is pretty damn adorable.

You're in the middle of a sentence when he knocks. You stand up gracefully to answer, advising Jade not to pay attention to that and keep knitting away (this is part of the treatment for her invasive flashbacks, as the regular and peaceful pace of this activity does wonders to help her calm down). Also this way, the two of you can share a same activity, which is always nice since you particularly appreciate Jade’s company.

Dave hands you the usual delivery – lately he’s been trying out things like ham and mushroom bread or olive bread in cupcake-sized portions. You didn’t forget to mention how thoughtful of him it was to try and vary Jade’s diet. He grumbled that any idiot could think of this and that it wasn’t anything special. Even if he conceals his eyes with his shades, he really tends to wear his feelings on his sleeve when it comes to Jade – you almost get a cavity at that thought. Your brother is such a sap, gosh (you are not necessarily any better though).

But back to Jade now. She looks up at you and your plate, and blinks a little.

“Who… was it?”

You feel a slight hesitation in her voice, as if she already knew the answer. You sit back next to her, setting carefully the plate between the two of you. Here goes.

“That… would be my brother.”

“Oh.” She lets out, her eyes going back to the ‘bread-cake’ hybrids. She stares blankly at them.

“…Oh.” She finally repeats, as if coming to some sort of realization.

She takes her eyes off them, and focuses her look back on the scarf she was knitting. She blinks again, this time more repeatedly, and you realize she’s starting to tear up. You tentatively stroke her hair – she doesn’t push you away, so you carry on. Tears slowly, silently drift down her cheeks. If it weren’t for them, you wouldn’t even realize she’s crying at all – her facial expression is frozen, and the rest of her body unmoving.

“I’m such a terrible friend.” She whispers, her eyes still locked on the piece of black yarn she’s working on, as if it’s the only thing preventing her from bursting into tears.

“Jade, this is not your fault and you know it. He also knows it.” You say softly as you continue to stroke her hair, tugging it behind her ears to take a look at her face. She closes her eyes, crushing more tears under her lashes. You take off her glasses and set them delicately on your bedside table, and hug her. She buries her face in your neck, her small frame agitated by increasingly violent sobs.

“He- He’s been doing all that for me and I didn’t even thank him once, I’m so stupid!!” she groans, gripping your shoulder.

You pet her hair softly.

“This isn’t your fault, dear… He had forbidden me to tell you he was the one making those cakes. But I felt that you needed to know. And now that you do, surely we can find some way to repay him for his kindness, right?” you encourage her.

She nods, before sniffing loudly.

“Ye- Yeah, I guess we could do that…” she stutters as she wipes her tears away with her sleeves.

“Now that’s more like it” you smile approvingly.

She wrinkles her nose with a low growl in what could only be described as the doggy way she tends to have when intensely pondering something. You can almost picture her now long gone dog ears flicking about.

“Oh, I know! Maybe I could make him a sweater!” she suddenly beams, pointing at the scarf she was working on before the interruption.

“I’m sure he’ll love it” you reply as you give her back her glasses. “Let’s make this happen, shall we?”

 

 **== > Jade: Make the sweater, be the grateful girl.  
**You’re once again Jade Harley. After some days of work and a couple problems at the beginning, you’ve finally finished your present, and gosh, you’re really proud of yourself! You now understand why Rose enjoys knitting so much: the feeling of creating something out of barely anything is just the best! And it’s especially great since it’s a token of your gratitude towards one of your best friends who’s been looking out for you over the last weeks – or when you think about it, ever since you’ve met. God, you really miss him.

Well at least now you can talk via Pesterchum – though you still need to take breaks sometimes. But it’s okay! If that means enjoying conversations with him again, you don’t mind, not at all! Dave always does his best to cheer you up, and he’s been showing you all these awesome photographs he has taken over the last months. Ever since you came back, you haven’t spent a lot of time actually outside because of your broken leg, so it’s pretty nice to at least see the outside world a little through his eyes (or his shades you guess hehe). You wish you could just hop in his car and go along with him on an adventure, no matter how small the adventure… No, being pessimistic is no good! You’ll _definitely_ go on that car trip, and you’ll have an awesome time! Well, if he doesn’t mind having you around of course. Or maybe you could all go… That’d be even better!

Anyway! Roxy (as she had soon told you to call her) was kind enough to go in Dave’s room to leave the sweaters on his bed for you… What a nice person! You involuntarily blushed when she winked at you after hearing your request. Mrs Lalonde really is a gorgeous woman, and Rose is definitely taking the same route as her. Dirk is also handsome, and so is Dave (well last time you checked, he was). Being surrounded by such good-looking people on a regular basis kinda makes you self-conscious when you think about it… Ah whatever!! After Dave came home today, he pestered you right away:

“-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 16:40 --“

TG: whoa jade are you trying to replace all my clothes with handmade sweaters  
TG: i mean  
TG: you gave me a truckload of them  
GG: yes i had some late thank you presents to give you  
TG: to thank me for what  
GG: the cakes!!  
GG: thank you, they're delicious  
GG: :)  
TG: wait how do you know about that  
GG: i just know it!

There was no reply for a minute or two, which was odd since he generally typed really fast (flash-typing?), but he soon resumed chatting.

TG: well of course theyre fucking delicious  
TG: i even wear an apron when i bake those babies  
TG: all getting busy being like a housewife straight from the 50s  
TG: waiting for her husband to come home from a long day at work wearing a suit and a fedora and smoking the pipe  
TG: all like oh honey youre home how was your day ive poured you a hot bath and prepared a delicious meal here gimme your coat  
TG: wait no thats johns dad and my mom being loveydovey  
TG: gross  
GG: hehe  
GG: i'm sure you look cute in that apron :D  
TG: hell yeah i do  
TG: i mean jesus that apron has frills and everything  
TG: im like a japanese maid up in there  
TG: its a shame my hair is short or else i wouldve totally tied it into pigtails  
GG: sooooo cute  
TG: you dont know the half of it

The conversation then went on about how you would’ve been a total hit as a maid with your dog ears (and that “oh well theres still something to do with your glasses so its okay”), and moved on to other topics that didn’t involve fetishistic outfits. But still, you’re really happy that he likes what you’ve made! That was the least you could do, since his cakes are helping you a lot on your way to eating regular food servings. Thanks to that, you’re less often nauseous, though you still have a lump in your throat at times, or even have your gag reflex getting the better of you in worst cases.

But you won’t lose to yourself! Definitely not!! You want to get better, you want to be with everybody, and you want to see Dave again.

 

 **== > Be Jade some weeks later.  
**The time is now December 24th, that is to say, Christmas Eve. You’re currently sitting on your bed, wearing a fancy dress, and staring at John’s cellphone. No, you’re not waiting for a call – on the contrary, you’re the one making the call. Or rather, that’s the plan. Right now though, you’re breathing deeply, as calmly as possible. When you told Rose about what you were planning to do, she offered to stay with you, but you refused because you already felt bad that Dave couldn’t attend the family dinner tonight without Rose also missing out on it. It’s almost midnight, and you can literally hear your heartbeats, you even feel the thumping in your chest.

 _I can do it_ , you repeat to yourself like a prayer as you take the phone. Scrolling down the contact list is almost physically hurting you (why did your brother register Dave’s number under ‘Nerd’ anyway?), but you finally find his number.

Your hands are shaking, and you just stare like a chump at the screen, so much that the phone goes back to sleep mode and you have to fiddle with it clumsily (because of said shaking hands) to unlock it again. You close your eyes, take a long breath, and reopen your eyes to press the ‘call’ button.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for updating this irregularly, university has been taking up a lot of my energy as of late..
> 
> In any case, as always kudos, (constructive) criticism & comments are greatly appreciated, thanks for reading this story so far!!


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